At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
She said her name was "party"
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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