i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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