You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
