She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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