I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Holy shit dude........stairs
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