Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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