I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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