I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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