we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
