I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I wear drunk well.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
