you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
