please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
