my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
