guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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