Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
