See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
