Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
