Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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