omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
im on a boat
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