Why are handjobs necessary in class?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
