Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
