I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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