I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I am available for nakedness
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
