she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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