Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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