Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Who put my cat in the fridge?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
