I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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