If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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