you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
