This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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