Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
