she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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