I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Don't make out with my wife yet
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
