Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
