i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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