Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Randomize
