I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
