weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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