i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
