so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize