Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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