oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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