btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Im part way to drunk.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
