I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
