am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
