Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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