Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
