I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Randomize
