I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
