I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
