he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
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