I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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