I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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